


One More Chance

by Nythil



Series: From the Redacted Files of Cipher Nine [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: Can you tell these two have broken and stapled my heart back together many times, Even like six years later Firen is still carrying imperial habits, F/M, Firen has trouble letting Theron back in, I guess spoilers for that? Sort of?, Idiot Spy Boyfriend, Idiots in Love, Late Night Conversations, Mild Angst, Post-Star Wars: The Old Republic - The Nathema Conspiracy, Self-Reflection, Theron just snores in the background, and then more trouble with why she did, now an idiot spy husband, she comes around eventually, while Theron snores in the background, with herself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23493106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nythil/pseuds/Nythil
Summary: The latest plot against the Eternal Alliance is defeated, and Theron is home. Firen'kesho'ardu welcomed him back as her romantic partner, with almost no questions. But late at night, she wonders about her motivations and argues with herself about her actions. After all, what kind of agent (commander) gives blind trust to others?
Relationships: Female Imperial Agent | Cipher Nine/Theron Shan, Imperial Agent | Cipher Nine & Theron Shan
Series: From the Redacted Files of Cipher Nine [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1680079
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	One More Chance

Firen awoke suddenly to the feeling of something being draped rather unceremoniously across her side. Instinctively she reached for the familiar grip of her blaster, always within arm’s length when she slept. Her fingers found empty air, cold against her skin. Before panic could set it, Firen realized. She didn’t keep her blaster under her pillow anymore; the weapon hung across from her on a stand.  
This was Odesson. This was her room. This was _their_ room. 

Theron Shan snored gently next to her, one arm haphazardly being strewn across her. As Firen shifted to a more relaxed position, his arm curled around her; tight, but not uncomfortable.

  
_Safe_ , Firen would have said before.  
_Uncertain,_ she thought now. 

Ambivalence was not an emotion Firen’kesho’ardu was overly acquainted with. Being conflicted was an effortless way to get killed in her line of work; a single moment of doubt, the slightest hesitation, was an open invitation to weakness. It had merely been a luxury she could never afford. 

Firen settled on her back, one hand behind her head and the other one absently running circles on Theron’s skin.

_“I won’t pretend it didn’t hurt, Theron.”_ _  
_ _“I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself for what I did.”_ _  
_ _“Come home, Theron. I love you.”_ _  
_ _“I… I know I don’t deserve it… but can you give your idiot spy boyfriend one more chance?”_

_“You don’t need another chance. I’ll always love you, whatever comes.”_

Before Theron, she had never properly considered what would happen if her significant other betrayed her. Being a cipher agent didn’t lend itself well to relationships. Had Vector turned on her, Firen would likely have just killed him. He knew too much about her operations, she would have reasoned. 

Yet Firen had offered Theron a second chance with no hidden motives. She had watched him trap her and Lana on a train and crash it, saw him take off with unknown people, and had only wanted him to come back.

  
_Weak, Firen’s_ mind had said.  
_Love,_ her heart replied. 

Firen had tried to put him on a form of probation, to limit his access until he had proved to everyone he was honest. 

_The air in the elevator was stale and stuck in Firen’s throat. The silence between them made her tense. Theron broke the gap first, his hand reaching for hers._ _  
_ _Firen pulled away._ _  
_ _He had turned to face her with what he probably thought was a neutral expression. She could see the pain, the desperation._ _  
_ _Before he could speak. Firen closed the distance herself and kissed him._ _  
_ _It was rough. There was no love, no affection in it. She could taste dried blood on his lips from a fight earlier that day._ _  
_ _She broke contact briefly._ _  
_ _“Shut up.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _When the elevator reached its floor, Firen stepped out casually. Theron wandered out a few seconds later with slightly dishevelled hair and an almost sad expression._

Firen suddenly became aware of his other arm under her back; he had been holding her as they slept.  
He had been the one to try and initiate romance again. Firen had tried what she always did. In Firen’s mind, she labelled him a target; a source of information and stress release. An attempt to keep painful and confusing emotions out of it.  
Firen had kept him from falling asleep in their room after, finding an excuse to sleep on a couch or something else.  
It didn’t last. 

_The room smelled of sweat and blood - a combination forged from their activities and battle-worn clothes, discarded in a chaotic pile in the corner. Firen’s eyes were heavy, the feeling of warm skin sticking her own, making her drowsy. She didn’t have the will to tell Theron to leave; she was too comfortable. Something she hadn’t felt in a long time. Her solid red eyes glinted in the faint moonlight. Firen didn’t remember seeing the sun go down. She rested her gaze on Theron’s face - he was already asleep, his face looking more peaceful than it had since Umbara. Firen gave up trying to stay awake and laid her head on his bare chest. Her eyelids slid closed, and she fell asleep to Theron’s slow, steady breathing._ _  
_ _She was safe here._

Firen worked her fingers between his, their hands resting on her stomach. The cooled air outside the bed made her feel vulnerable. The heat from Theron’s body acted as a shield against the unforgiving world outside of this moment. 

_Complacency,_ her mind said.

 _Comfort,_ her heart argued back. 

Trust was always a slippery concept to Firen; hard to earn, harder to keep. It had been part of her arsenal. Instilling false trust was an easy way to manipulate someone and, as she has learned over years of betrayal and secrets, easy to fake. Once broken, Firen had never allowed herself to trust that person again. It was impossible to undo… or was _supposed_ to be, anyway. It wasn’t with Theron. It was all too easy for him to settle into the hollow space he had left in her heart. 

_“Theron Shan, that sounded an awful lot like a marriage proposal.”_ _  
_ _Firen smirked a little as his eyes widened. Whether it was panic, fear, or confusion, she couldn’t tell. Maybe all three. She listened to his stumbling words as he tried to backtrack...briefly._ _  
_ _“What? I didn’t… I mean, if you really… do you?”_ _  
_ _“You’ll never know if you don’t ask.”_

_Theron had tripped over his proposal, an impromptu question that neither had planned for._

_“Will you… uh… you know…”_ _  
_ _Firen raised an eyebrow._

_“Just marry me. Please.”_

_Firen wasn’t sure if she had simply been teasing Theron or if she had actually wanted him to ask, not until the moment she replied. There had been no thought involved, no consideration required. It was an automatic answer as if she had been asked whether or not she wanted the latest intelligence briefing._

_“When you put it that way, I have to say yes.”_

Firen curled her hand and felt the cold metal of her ring against her palm. It still felt and looked odd to her. The silver of the plain band was still a stark contrast against her dark blue skin. For Vector, there had been no ring. It simply wasn’t possible; an official marriage would have been dangerous for both of them. Outside of the ship, their relationship was secret.  
She never could keep Theron a secret. They had never publicly announced anything, but it was tacit knowledge among alliance members. There was no wedding, no ceremony, but no one had been surprised when rings had appeared on them. 

Firen _knew_ that it was too soon, that she had welcomed Theron back too quickly for it to be safe. What had happened to her rule of only giving her trust to a person once? 

She turned towards Theron, drawing their hands together by her chest. Everything about him felt safer. Despite her emotional uncertainty, she had never doubted that he never intended to physically harm her. He had left too large a window on Umbara for her to escape the train, too few obstacles on Copero, too much information at the listening post.  
In retrospect, Firen wasn’t even sure that she ever harboured doubts about their relationship before Theron’s “betrayal.” Being from opposing factions was only a hurdle, not a dealbreaker, for both of them. 

Firen had already tried to force her mixed emotions into singular ones. She had agreed to marry him and held no regrets related to that, but the part of her brain involved with survival screamed at her that she had made a mistake.

But she wasn’t an imperial agent anymore, smothered by threats of death for small errors; she was the Commander of the Eternal Alliance. She was among friends. 

Most importantly, she was just Firen’kesho’ardu - something she wasn’t sure she had ever been before. She didn’t need to police her facial expression or accent; Firen had real friends now that held no ulterior motive behind their kindness and advice. She was _allowed_ to trust.

That part of her brain didn’t have to control Firen anymore. 

Theron had asked her to give him one more chance. 

It had never been a decision; everything they had done together had been based on small chances. 

Her heart and mind spoke in unison. 

_Worthwhile,_ they whispered together.

Firen shifted closer to Theron, resting her head against his chest. She closed her eyes, hand still holding Theron’s close, and focused on his steady heartbeat.

She had always been ready to take risks for him, as he was for her.

He had always been worth it.

_We will always be worth it._

**Author's Note:**

> Number two in the "Firen is a blue ball of angst" series! I have at least three more planned for it, but suggestions are welcome, as are comments! Thank you for reading! Stay safe, everyone.


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